http://
I was putting on make up this morning because Melody taught me that it is important to look your best when you feel your worst. I didn’t really see the point of it honestly, its sort of just a routine thing and just seemed and insult to her memory to leave the premise without some eyebrows on. I don’t think I’ve ever been so slow at doing anything. Digging through the bottom of the bag to find the shadow that she had nicked me from when she worked at the mall. I started looking for the dress I used to wear all the time when she first moved but it seemed to have vanished. All black was fine, it seemed appropriate and she always loved black. I thought about wearing the shoes we used to fight over but I knew I was overthinking everything and I had to just leave. I wanted to go home back to the room we once shared where there is still pieces of her hair and old white castle containers that I don’t know why I still haven’t thrown out, and who knows now if I will ever.
Outside everything seemed different. Gone from the world is the only person I have ever felt in my entire life really understood me and the fucked up shit that goes on inside my head. I could tell Melody things I could never tell anyone else. She taught me about being selfish and survival. She was my sister. I had so many plans for us, for everything and now they were all gone. Everything I had hoped for, the things she had promised me, aren’t going to happen. Everything is going to change. It felt like it should have been raining but it wasn’t. It was gorgeous out. More gorgeous than I ever could have remembered. Everything was crisp and the trees were so green. Petals were falling in the wind like out of a storybook. It was so bright and wonderful. One of the most important people in my world was gone but the rest of it was bright and wonderful. The earth still turns.
I still can’t decide if it was amazing or awful.
today has been a rough day
